Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

    關于"是什么使婚姻美滿"的研究表明，那些擁有幸福婚姻的人們往往已經(jīng)完成了這些心理"任務".

    1 Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

    在感情上與你成長的家庭分開；不要到產(chǎn)生隔閡的地步，但要足以使你的身份獨立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。

    2 Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

    在相互的親昵和一致的基礎上建立歸屬感，但同時也要設定一些界限來保障每一個成員的自主權(quán)。

    3 Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

    建立一種豐富而又愉快的性關系，并保護其免受繁雜工作和家庭義務的干擾。

    4 For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

    對于有孩子的夫妻，坦然地接受父母這樣的嚴峻角色，消化掉因?qū)殞毜某霈F(xiàn)而對婚姻生活造成的影響。夫妻雙方還要學會繼續(xù)保護自己和配偶的隱私。

    5 Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.

    共同面對和掌控生活中不可避免的危機。

    6 Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

    在面對逆境時保持婚姻關系的穩(wěn)定。婚姻應當是一個安全的港灣，在這里夫妻之間可以表達他們的不同觀點、忿怒和沖突。

    7 Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

    通過幽默和笑聲來對待事情，避免厭倦和孤立。

    8 Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

    扶持和安慰彼此，滿足彼此依戀的需求，并提供持續(xù)性的鼓勵和支持。

    9 Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

    隨著時間的流逝，即使面對理性的現(xiàn)實，也要保持年輕時候一顆浪漫的心和墜入愛河時美好的憧憬。